Polyamory & The Rules of Dating, Sex, and Consent

The Real Talk Phiosophy is coming to Jai Thep 2020 with a series of games, talks, art, and community discussions exploring Polyamory and The Rules of Dating, Sex, and Consent. (See the questions we'll be exploring below.)

Banner collage by Travis Risner of Phlerp Designs

--GAME QUESTIONS--
**Polyamory**
- Are you more triggered by the thought of your partner romantically or sexually involved with someone else?
- What is the role of marriage?
- If humans lived forever, how long would the ideal relationship last?
- Is it possible to simultaneously be in love with more than one person?
- How would you respond if a partner wanted to explore polyamory? Or, how would you approach this conversation?
- Is monogamy natural or socialized?
- What is jealousy? Should it be embraced or overcome?
- Should we teach children about polyamory?
- Should we allow children to be raised in polyamorous households?
- Can you think of any successful long-term polyamorous relationships? Can you think of any successful long-term monogamous relationships?
- Why do governments, institutions, religions, etc. uphold monogamy?
- Why is sexual non-exclusivity a dealbreaker for most couples?
- If a friend tells you they’re polyamorous, do any judgments or presumptions come to mind?
- Have you explored non-monogamy? Where do you fall on the monogamy-polyamory spectrum?
- How would your family feel if you came to dinner with multiple partners?
- Have you ever experienced jealousy? What was that experience like for you? Where does jealousy come from?
- Are there benefits to being with one person for a lifetime?
- Is polyamory more likely to be practiced by easterners or westerners? Why?
- Is it possible for one person to satisfy all your needs?
- Many aspects of human nature are considered immoral (murder, rape, etc.). Is the natural instinct of polyamory a justification for its practice?
- We teach children to share their toys. Should we teach people to share their lovers?
- Do you have enough time for one partner? Would you have time for several?

**Before Dating**
- Do you play The Game (not texting for three days, etc.)?
- When you’re interested in a person, do you approach them or wait for them to approach you?
- Is it the man’s responsibility to ask the woman out, message first on Tinder, etc.? Is there a similar code in same-sex dating?
- If you find someone attractive in a public space (e.g. a coffee shop), is it appropriate to ask them out?
- If a (close) friend politely asked if you'd like to have sex, would it destroy the friendship?
- Is seeking consent necessary for every physical gesture, or are there some gestures that do not require consent (touching forearms, thighs, etc.)?
- Is a healthy friends-with-benefits relationship possible?
- What are the most effective pickup lines, first messages on Tinder, etc.?
- In a dance club, should potential dance partners ask permission before dancing with you?
- Must all consent be expressed verbally, or are there reliable non- verbal consent cues?
- Do you use online dating apps? Why or why not?
- Do you have any deal-breakers?

**Dating**
- After a first date, if you are not attracted to the other person, is "ghosting" acceptable, or should there be a clear conversation?
- How do you know when you're "dating," "seeing someone," or "in a relationship”?
- Do you prefer going on official "dates" or just casually hanging out?
- If your date does not kiss you on the first date, do you assume they're not interested in pursuing anything further?
- When beginning to date someone, is sending messages every day too much?
- After having sex for the first time, is sexual exclusivity assumed or must there be a conversation?
- Must there be a conversation about when to show PDA?
- What is your primary love language: physical touch, quality time, gifts, actions, or words of affirmation?
- When do you say “I love you”?
- What dating advice would you give your younger self?
- Is watching pornography allowed when dating someone?
- When dating someone, what level
- of physical contact is allowed with other potentially-compatible people (spending time alone, hugging, hand-holding, cuddling, etc.?)
- Is it appropriate to talk about previous relationships?

**Sex**
- Along the path towards penetrative sex, which steps require consent?
- How and when do you talk to a new sexual partner about STDs?
- When having sex, does hair pulling, slapping, choking require verbal consent?
- If you have an STD, is it your responsibility to tell a new sexual partner, even if using a condom?
- What advice do you wish every man/woman knew about having sex?
- How would you respond if a stranger asked for casual sex?
- What kind of pubic hair do you find most attractive on a partner?
- What is your number (how many sexual partners have you had)? Is there a number that’s too high? Is this information you should share with a new partner?
- How much does size matter?
- Is someone allowed to change their mind about consent mid-act? How could this be communicated to a partner?
- Is masturbation immoral?